Friends, Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing by Matthew Perry

"I don’t write all this so anyone will feel sorry for me—I write these words because they are true. I write them because someone else may be confused by the fact that they know they should stop drinking—like me, they have all the information, and they understand the consequences—but they still can’t stop drinking. You are not alone, my brothers and sisters. (In the dictionary under the word “addict,” there should be a picture of me looking around, very confused.) - Matthew Perry

I have never been a regular viewer of Friends but on those occasions when I did watch the show the character that always stood out for me was Chandler. I found Chandler handsome, charming, funny and I felt the same for Matthew Perry who portrayed him. I've been aware of the decades long drug and alcohol addiction problems Matthew Perry has had and when his memoir Friends, Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing (2022) came out to critical praise I wanted to read what he had to say. I was curious why Perry's addiction to drugs and alcohol started and what he has learned along the way.

And so when Friends, Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing begins we are at a crisis moment in Matthew Perry's life. It was 2018 and as he tells us his colon exploded due to years of opioid use. It was a life threatening situation and after this dramatic opening some readers may decide they've had enough. But that would be a mistake.

I know for myself that I learned alot not only about Perry's struggles with substance abuse which is the major part of the book but also about his childhood growing up in Ottawa and Los Angeles. He had plans as a teenager to become a tennis pro but realized he was good but would never be great. And so following in his father's footsteps he decided to give acting a try. He loved it and was great at it. We learn about Perry's audition for Friends and he continues to be extremely grateful for his time on the show and remains close with the cast and crew to this day.

And that is what is so admirable about this memoir because as hard as Matthew Perry can be on himself, he is very generous when talking about his parents, siblings, friends, girlfriends, co-stars. This is a serious memoir about addiction and I finished the book wanting the best for Matthew Perry and if a reader is a fan of Chandler I think knowing about the actor who portrayed him will not disappoint. I recommend Friends, Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing and I believe its a book that will help people.

Later - I decided to shorten the above review from my original post.  I felt the first review was a bit too long and that I gave away too much detail.  It's always better for the reader to discover what's in the book themselves.  But I stand by my initial thoughts which are that Friends Lovers and The Big Terrible Thing is a brave and very honest memoir and well worth your time.

The Wife Between Us by Greer Hendricks and Sarah Pekkanen

THIS REVIEW WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS

The Wife Between Us by Greer Hendricks and Sarah Pekkanen (2018) is a bestselling domestic thriller that bears a strong resemblance to The Girl On The Train by Paula Hawkins.  Once again we have a 30 something ex-wife named Vanessa who could not get pregnant, started drinking and is now divorced from her handsome ex-husband Richard who has taken up with Nellie, Vanessa's 20 something replacement.  Vanessa has started following the happy couple determined to stop the marriage. Vanessa appears to be jealous, unbalanced and desparate to get Richard back. 

But all is not as it seems and around page 150 of The Wife Between Us we are hit with a twist that is quite well done.  The problem though is that after page 150 we still have 230 more pages to go and for me the book dragged.  The authors after the twist spend the rest of the book focusing on Vanessa as she tells us about what went wrong with her marriage to Richard.  As expected he is far from the prince she thought she was marrying.  He's abusive and controlling.  He spies on Vanessa and when she becomes aware of who he is she wants out but Richard is very wealthy with connections and has made it clear that no one walks out on him.

It can be dangerous to leave an abusive spouse since the abuser may come after you and so Vanessa comes up with a plan to make herself as undesirable as possible so that Richard will be the one who wants out.   She lets her appearance go.  She embarrasses him at company functions by pretending to be drunk.  She notices that Richard has a beautiful young assistant and goes about trying to bring them together so that Richard will have even more incentive to leave.   She fills a notebook with her interactions with Richard and the different ways he is trying to gaslight her and by the end of the novel I was wondering who is crazier, Richard or Vanessa.  And of course Vanessa's plan works too well.   Richard does leave her but now her replacement is in danger. 

I think the domestic thriller genre has gone overboard these days with unreliable narrators and "twists, twists and more twists" as one reviewer described it.  And The Wife Between Us ends with a final twist which in my opinion added nothing.  That said, this novel did receive a starred review from Publisher's Weekly.  But for me the domestic thriller, at least the books I've read, needs to get back to writing straightforward and plausible dramas which in the right hands will not need as many gimmicks to keep the reader hooked.

Shanda: A Memoir of Shame and Secrecy by Letty Cottin Progrebin

I don't read as much non-fiction as I should but when I do I am always on the lookout for a good memoir.  And so when my friend Iris recommended Shanda: A Memoir of Shame and Secrecy by Letty Cottin Progrebin (2022) I was interested.  Iris has never steered me wrong and I found Shanda to be a very honest, well written, and thought-provoking memoir in which the author reveals much about the role that fear, shame and thus keeping secrets has played in her life and the lives of her family members going back generations.  

Shanda is the yiddish word for shame and Letty grew up during a time when people did not talk about divorce, addiction, teen pregnancy, depression, financial matters and so many other topics.  What would the neighbors think or one's employer if they found out you had gotten divorced or were seeing a therapist or if you were a single parent or if you were gay etc etc. 

Letty says that her family was particularly prone to secrets partly because of the times they lived in, the 1940's and 1950's, but also because as Jewish immigrants leaving lands with terrible histories of anti-semitism and oppression keeping secrets was often necessary to survive.  Even in better times one had to be careful:

"The Elightenment enabled European Jews to live and work among their country’s majority population, though not always in comfort or safety. Their social status and religious liberty continued to depend on the whims of the powerful and the kindness of their neighbors. In good times, they could display their Hanukkah menorahs in their windows as tradition decrees; in bad times, they lit their candles behind closed doors"

Letty's grandmother at age 19 living in Ukraine did not want to marry the much older man her parents had arranged for her.  And so on her wedding night, before the marriage was consummated, she climbed out of the window and ran off with her true love, Letty's grandfather.  But her relatives here in America kept it silent that their  grandmother, however briefly, had a first husband.  Back then it would have been shameful to reveal even though today we rightly see it as courageous.   Letty discovered this secret as a young woman when her aunt accidently referred to grandma's first marriage.

And that's the thing about secrets.  Sometimes they are necessary but other times they do more harm than good and nowhere is that more true than in the secret Letty's parents kept from her and which she only discovered when she was 12 and a cousin blurted it out at a family gathering.  It forms the core of the book and as Letty writes: 

"Learning the truth about my family on the beach in Winthrop reordered my world. Betrayal became my burden, gullibility my shame. If those closest to me could lie without conscience or consequence, then anyone could misrepresent anything, and everything was up for grabs. I’m not saying I became pathologically suspicious, just inclined toward doubt. I ask a lot of questions .... a psychologist friend once overheard my conversation with a new acquaintance and likened it to “an intake interview.” If that’s an insult, I’ll cotton to it rather than be blindsided ever again"

I won't reveal the secret because I don't want to spoil the element of suprise in the book.  But what I will say is that the secret that Letty's parents, Ceil and Jack, were keeping is not shameful at all and nowadays no one would care.  But to keep their secret other secrets had to be constructed and that's where the damage occurred. 

I may be giving the impression that Letty spends all her time in Shanda focusing on her relatives and their secrecy and is tight lipped about her own life.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  She is very honest about her life and reveals quite a number of her own secrets and it makes for a memoir that is fascinating and will cause the reader  to think about their own families and what's been hidden  I know it did for me.

Thank you Iris for recommending Shanda.  

John Jakes and the Kent Family Chronicles

I was sad to hear about the death of the novelist John Jakes who passed away on March 11, 2023.  He was a prolific writer best known for his Kent Family Chronicles series of historical novels. There were 8 books in this series where we follow the fictional Kent Family and their descendents from the American Revolution to the 1890's Gilded Age. 

I read Jakes' first novel The Bastard (reviewed on Feb 19, 2019).  It was well written and I learned a good deal about the lead up to the American Revolution.  John Jakes worked history into his novels seamlessly knowing that the characters and the plot were key and it is fascinating to follow a family like the Kents through many generations and see how their grandchildren, great grandchildren, great great grandchildren turned out.

It was always my plan to read deeper into the Kent series and now I plan to.  John Jakes will be missed.

Waiting For the Barbarians by C P Cavafy

An interesting poem by the Greek poet C. P Cavafy (1863-1933). His poetry never got the attention it deserved during his lifetime because as a gay man he couldn't really publish his poems but fortunately since his death his poems are receiving wide critical acclaim.  Here is one of his most famous poems: 

Waiting for the Barbarians by C. P. Cavafy

What are we waiting for, assembled in the forum?

      The barbarians are due here today.

Why isn’t anything going on in the senate?

Why are the senators sitting there without legislating?

      Because the barbarians are coming today.

      What’s the point of senators making laws now?

      Once the barbarians are here, they’ll do the legislating.

Why did our emperor get up so early,

and why is he sitting enthroned at the city’s main gate,

in state, wearing the crown?

      Because the barbarians are coming today

      and the emperor’s waiting to receive their leader.

      He’s even got a scroll to give him,

      loaded with titles, with imposing names.

Why have our two consuls and praetors come out today

wearing their embroidered, their scarlet togas?

Why have they put on bracelets with so many amethysts,

rings sparkling with magnificent emeralds?

Why are they carrying elegant canes

beautifully worked in silver and gold?

      Because the barbarians are coming today

      and things like that dazzle the barbarians.

Why don’t our distinguished orators turn up as usual

to make their speeches, say what they have to say?

      Because the barbarians are coming today

      and they’re bored by rhetoric and public speaking.

Why this sudden bewilderment, this confusion?

(How serious people’s faces have become.)

Why are the streets and squares emptying so rapidly,

everyone going home lost in thought?

      Because night has fallen and the barbarians haven't come.

      And some of our men just in from the border say

      there are no barbarians any longer.

Now what’s going to happen to us without barbarians?

Those people were a kind of solution.

Finding Langston by Lesa Cline-Ransome

About a year or two ago my fellow book blogger Jane at her excellent website Reading, Writing, Working, Playing reviewed Finding Langston by Lesa Cline-Ransome (2018).  Jane gave this novel a positive review and I agree.  Finding Langston is an award winning young adult novel.  It's geared towards middle school kids but can be read and appreciated at any age.

The book is set in 1946 and the narrator, eleven year old Langston, has recently moved with his father from Alabama to Chicago.  Langston is having a tough time.  Chicago is a big intimidating city and the kids at his new school are mean.

But mostly, Langston misses his mother who recently passed away.  His father works hard and is exhausted at night.  He doesn't talk much and is dealing with his own grief at his wife's death.  Langston, therefore, is on his own spending his days going to school, dodging the bullies, and missing his Mom and the way things used to be with his family in Alabama.

And then one day Langston spots a library and decides to go inside.  He sees a book by a writer with his first name and becomes curious.  It's a book of poetry by Langston Hughes and he is transformed.  From there he goes on to look up other writers from the Harlem Renaissance and by the time the book ends young Langston has grown in so many ways.

Finding Langston is about the power of books to change our lives as they did for eleven year old Langston.  He found the poet he was named after and in doing so he found himself.

The Ray Bradbury Reading Challenge And How It's Going

I've been taking the Ray Bradbury Reading Challenge for two weeks now and it's going very well.  And so I wanted to share some of what I have been reading and learning.  I won't list all of the poems, essays and short stories I read.  Instead I will just note my favorites.

Poems - I have been using Harold Bloom's Best Poems of the English Language.  This collection of poetry starts in the Middle Ages and ends in the late 20th century and I am working through this list in chronological order making sure only to select short poems.  And what I am learning is that being a poet in Tudor England could be a dangerous profession.  Three of the poets I read wound up in the Tower of London.  Sir Thomas Wyatt, Chidiock Tichborne and Robert Southwell S.J.  It was a brutal time. 

Regarding my favorite poems I would recommend three:  Edmund Spencer's One Day I Wrote Her Name which is perfect for Valentine's Day.  William Blake's Chimney Sweeper poem When My Mother Died I Was Very Young. There is a strong Victorian/Charles Dickens vibe to this poem about the lives of young boys, many of them orphans, forced into chimney sweeping work.  And I also recommend Walt Whitman's poem O Captain My Captain, a moving tribute to Abraham Lincoln. 

Essays - I read so many fine essays.  Joan Didion's On Keeping A Notebook, Vivian Gornick's The Anti-Social Novelist which is her review of a recent biography of John Steinbeck but a book review by Vivian is always so much more.  My favorite essay would have to be Sandra Gilbert and Susan Gubar's Dialogue of A Self and Soul: Plain Jane's Progress in which they analyze the novel Jane Eyre:

"It seems not to have been primarily the coarseness and sexuality of Jane Eyre which shocked Victorian reviewers but ... it's anti-Christian refusal to accept the forms customs and standards of society ... They were disturbed not so much by the proud Byronic sexual energy of Rochester as by the pride and passion of Jane herself ... In other words what horrified the Victorians was Jane's anger.

Short Stories - I had 3 favorites:  A Coward by Guy de Maupassant about a foolish young man who in an effort to impress his friends challenges another man to a duel.  I also really liked The School-Teacher's Story by Mary Wilkins Freeman and In Dark New England Days by Sarah Orne Jewett  Both of these stories are set in 19th century New England and have a really nice gothic spooky aspect to them.  

So I do recommend this challenge provided you choose short poems and though I may be breaking the Bradbury rules I have expanded my view of essays to include articles in magazines and book reviews.  I don't know if I will continue posting about the challenge but I did want to share a bit of what the experience has been like

Finally let me thank the great Ray Bradbury for this challenge.  He is sadly no longer with us but his excellent novels and short stories live on.